


Softest Touch

by AllegedlyAnn



Series: At a Touch [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (Steve makes it better), Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Daddy Kink, Dating, Getting to Know Each Other, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Bucky Barnes, Past Character Death, Past Drug Addiction, Past Relationship(s), Past Suicide Attempt, Self Confidence Issues, Slow Burn, Top Steve Rogers, past sexual abuse of a minor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:09:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28812462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllegedlyAnn/pseuds/AllegedlyAnn
Summary: In disbelief, Bucky found himself sitting in a diner, staring at Steve who was sitting across from him, rolling up his sleeves. Enthralled by the arm veins his eyes followed as Steve started unfastening his tie and opened the upper bottoms.“What do you want to eat, Bucky?” The smirk on Steve’s face told Bucky had been caught and blushing furiously he dropped his gaze. Was a simple ‘you’ an acceptable answer?___Bucky is dating Steve. He isn't sure how dating works, or what the older man even wants with him, but he'll take what he can get. Maybe along the way, he will figure out how not to melt away whenever Steve smiled at him like that or touches him softly.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: At a Touch [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1690612
Comments: 47
Kudos: 73





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey folks! I'm back with the sequel. I'm sorry it took so long, in October my studies ate me alive and I'm now writing my bachelor thesis. Because of that updates will come every two weeks, maybe faster once April comes around. For now, it will be 20 chapters but that could still change. Have fun! 🥰

In disbelief, Bucky found himself sitting in a diner, staring at Steve who was sitting across from him, rolling up his sleeves. Enthralled by the arm veins his eyes followed as Steve started unfastening his tie and opened the upper bottoms. 

“What do you want to eat, Bucky?” The smirk on Steve’s face told Bucky had been caught and blushing furiously he dropped his gaze. Was a simple ‘ _you_ ’ an acceptable answer? 

“Come on, sweety. My treat, since you already supplied us with dessert.” 

“But- But they are your muffins?” Bucky protested and looked up again into Steve’s amused face.

“I’m not eating 12 muffins on my own, Bucky.” 

The pointed look and raised eyebrow were enough that somehow Bucky started giggling. He didn’t even know why he was giggling, but the giddy feeling was jumping around in his chest, and wanted out.

Steve nudged Bucky’s knee under the table with a teasing grin. “Less giggling more looking ar the menu.” 

Biting his lip Bucky tried to stop giggling and picked up the menu while an older waitress already approached their table. 

After they had ordered, they sat in silence for a moment, making Bucky squirm in his seat. “So, you had a busy day?”

Steve immediately started looking guilty. “I-yes- I’m so sorry Bucky, I didn’t mean to leave you hanging like that. I got a call from Nick, who told me- Ah, sorry business talk. But it ended with Sam and me in a long talk and then us two in a phone call that took longer than expected. But it was good, it was important, it will make my life easier in the future. Hopefully. Why am I even telling you this when I can’t even tell you anything.”

“No, no. It’s okay, I get it. It’s work, you have to keep it secret. It’s important in your line of work, I guess.” Bucky smiled, it had not been his intention to make Steve feel guilty, even if it was nice to get somewhat of an explanation.

The smile Steve gave him looked a bit tired and Bucky wanted to hug the man until he felt better. “Thanks, Bucky. I try to be better, but, in all honesty, I’m working a lot and sometimes you won’t be able to reach me, and sometimes I’ll get swamped at work and we’ll have to reschedule or plans. I like to keep busy, I like to do something, take care of something. My business is my baby, you know? Sam complains all the time, so I guess I really need something to get me out of the office at times?”

“Like another baby to take care of?” Bucky found himself saying before hastily looking down at his hands with burning cheeks.

“Yes, I suppose another baby would be perfect.” Steve’s voice had dropped and so did Bucky’s heart. Only to flutter around like a butterfly, when Steve’s hand settled on Bucky’s clenched hands. Shyly Bucky looked up through his eyelashes at Steve’s smiling face. 

“I’ll try to tell you beforehand if work will get busy, okay? I just don’t want you to feel neglected. That… has been a problem before, but then I was just establishing SHIELD. I’ll try to keep a better work-life balance, okay?”

Trying not to smile too brightly, Bucky moved until he could squeeze Steve’s hand. “Okay, I don’t want to be a nuisance, however.”

“Oh no, baby, you won’t be, quite the opposite.” Steve squeezed back with a soft smile that made Bucky’s stomach twist up, how was he supposed to eat something like this?

“How about your day? You said you are in development? Robots?”

Bucky needed a moment before he understood was Steve was talking about. “Oh, yes. Robots, yes. It’s cool! Working on how robots can help in households or even in care is something that really interests me. Mr. Stark said he would take me to the Artificial Intelligence department next month, I’m really excited about that.”

Smiling Steve kept looking at him, thumb gently stroking over Bucky’s hand. “Yeah? I’m sure you’ll love it. It will be your last month, right? What are you going to do afterward?” 

“Oh, well. I’m waiting for the recommendation from Stark Industries to apply to other jobs. I have another small internship with a docent of mine during the semester, but that’s not enough. And well, lectures start again in September. It’ll be my last, only a few credits left and, well, my thesis.”

“Yeah? What is your thesis going to be about?”

Twisting his mouth Bucky looked at Steve. “Don’t remind me. I’m not sure yet, it will be about cognitive science.”

“Huh? Well, then the visit to Tony’s AI department will be really exciting for you, Tony giving you the tour himself? Better pester him with questions then, I’m sure he or the people there can give you some pointers.” 

“Ah, yes probably. Don’t want to annoy them, though.” Bucky shrugged sheepishly, but only got a deadpan look back.

“Bucky, it’s Tony’s job to annoy people, don’t worry about it. In fact, he will probably be ecstatic to talk about it. Is tath something you would like to do in the future? Working with robots and AI?” 

“Yes, I guess. I’m not sure yet? I mean, I’ll do my masters first, so I still have time, right?”, Bucky said abashedly as he looked how Steve’s thumb kept stroking over his hand, it looked so small in the man’s huge palms.

“Of course. You’re still young, it’s not likely you have to have it all figured out already. I mean, when I was your age I had just finished my degree and joined the army, that was not my plan when I started studying and now I have my own business.” 

Blinking Bucky felt warmth spread within him, but he still ducked his head. “Yeah? I just- It’s weird. Nat started working for you and Kate will soon finish her degree as well and I still… have nothing to my name yet.”

Steve squeezed his hand softly. “It’s not a competition, besides you started later as well. You’ll do just fine, don’t worry your pretty head about it.” 

“So- you don’t mind?” Bucky said timidly, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Mind what?”, Steve asked visibly confused.

“That I’m still a student. I mean-” Shrugging helplessly Bucky looked up, to find Steve just smiling at him.

“Bucky, I’m well aware that you are a student. No doubt, our lives are quite different. I’ll probably have less time than you, so we’ll have to figure out when to meet. And, naturally, I have more money than you. But I’m a good decade older than you, we can’t compare our lives like that.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Bucky mumbled. “I just- I don’t understand what you want with me?”

“Well, what I want is to date you, if you let me. And that’s it, I just want what you are ready to give me.”

Swallowing down the desire to just say ‘ _everything_ ’, Bucky looked at their entwined hands again, how Steve’s thumb kept caressing his hand. 

“But I could ask you the same question, what does such a young handsome man want with an oldie like me.”

“You’re not that old! Besides, I think we already established what I want from you.” Bucky whined out, resting his head on their hands. 

“I guess we did, didn’t we,” Steve chuckled and ruffled Bucky’s hair, the younger man was just happy this time his burning face was hidden from view.

“Here is your food, dearies,” the waitress from earlier had returned and it was like a bucket of cold water was dropped on Bucky, as he remembered that they were in public. 

Hastily sitting up straight, Bucky dropped his hands in his lap and clenched them hard. How could he have forgotten? Did she see anything? Was she going to say anything? Was she going to sneer at him? Was she going to-

A leg pressed against his under the table and it startled Bucky out of his dark thoughts to look into Steve’s concerned face. “Hey there, are you with me?” 

Bucky was such an idiot, so pathetic and foolish. Looking back in his lap, Bucky huddled himself together, half a mind of just leaving or bursting into tears.

Now a hand settled on his knee. “Bucky, hey?”

“S-sorry.” Bucky stammered out and with a trembling hand he reached below the table, searching for Steve’s hand, and breathed out in relief when Steve immediately grabbed it. “Sorry, just- we are in public.”

“Ah,” Steve nodded. “So no PDA? But this is okay?” and he squeezed Bucky’s hand gently.

Squeezing back, Bucky forced himself to look up at Steve, who was just smiling at him softly. “Yeah? No one will see that, right?”

“No, I think we are safe,” Steve said with a wink and a soft squeeze of his hand. “But it’s a bit impractical for eating, don’t you think?”

The tone in the man’s voice made Bucky realized he was being teased and with a twitching mouth, he relaxed again. 

“Well, if it is for food,” he said with a hesitant huff and let go of Steve’s hand with one final squeeze.

“So food always wins, huh?” Steve said with a teasing grin.

“Nope, coffee always wins,” Bucky grinned back, already feeling a lot more cheerful. 

Especially because a laughing Steve was still pressing his leg against Bucky’s, moving until their ankles were entwined. ”Not getting between you and the coffee, I gotcha. I better make sure to have coffee in the house, hm?”

Bucky’s heart stopped and then started beating even faster. Steve wanted Bucky in his apartment again? Wanted to have coffee there? For Bucky?

Letting out a shuddering breath, Bucky started eating, mostly only to have something to do until he calmed down. 

“So you want to date me? But I still- why me? I don’t-” shrugging helplessly Bucky looked up.

“Oh sweety,” Steve whispered. “Yes, I want to date you, if you let me. And I guess, I always was intrigued by you? At first, because I had never met you, really, it was a bit strange. Everybody always talked about you, Clint, Nat, then Pietro. But not once did I see you and I always wondered ‘ _where is he_ ’?”

“Working,” Bucky said sheepishly and Steve huffed.

“Yeah, that’s what they told me. And then suddenly you were there, standing on the stairs and I was a bit like ‘ _Oh! I got him, I got him_!’. At first, I was just curious but somehow along the line- It’s not like I planned it, I didn’t even realize it until- until you stood there in front of me and cried and I just wanted to make you feel better. I was so angry that day, on a personal level and I didn’t really understand my feelings then, but then on the next day you stood in front of me again, and I, well, I just wanted to bundle you up in a blanket and keep you safe.”

Now Steve was the one looking sheepish, while Bucky’s heart jumped around in his chest. “Oh, well, I wouldn’t mind that?”

“Yeah, that’s good to know,” Steve grinned at him, hand sneaking under the table again to give Bucky’s knee a little squeeze.

“Looking back, I should have realized it sooner. Like, do you remember that day you wore the blue suit? The first time, I mean? Sam came in and offhandedly mentioned that he had seen you in the elevator looking smart in a blue suit. I couldn’t leave the office during work, but I called it an early day around the time I knew you would get off, and then I waited in the entrance hall for you.”

Wow. Wow! How was Bucky’s brain supposed to process that information?! “I, uh, I was really bummed we didn’t see each other when I left work, because I wore the suit that day for you?”

“Wore it for me?” Steve repeated with a dumbfounded look before he smiled brightly, making Bucky blush. 

“I always found you attractive?” Bucky tried to defend himself.

“Oh?” now Steve raised an eyebrow in amusement and Bucky pouted.

“What?! Have you seen yourself? Nat showed me pictures and well, and then I met you and, guh. I realized at Bear Mountain? That it was more than just thinking you’re hot?”

“But you still think I’m hot?” 

Squirming and blushing Bucky looked away from Steve’s grinning face. “Yeah…”

“Well, I think you are pretty dashing yourself.” Steve winked and pressed their legs together.

Letting out a sound like he was dying, Bucky started paying attention to his food again. Food that Steve was paying for, which reminded him that Steve had paid for the coffee earlier this month as well. “I don’t want your money?”

“What?” Now Steve looked confused again. Great.

“I don’t want your money, I- I don’t want to feel like I own you, I just- want a real relationship?” Bucky was an embarrassment, he really really was.

“Oh, Bucky,” Steve said softly, his hand was back on Bucky’s knee. “That’s why I’m asking to date you, hm?”

Could this be real? It felt like Bucky’s heart was trying to fly away, while his stomach was in knots. How was he supposed to eat like this? 

“Sweetheart, as I said before I naturally have more money. I would like to treat you at times if you are comfortable with it, but we can discuss this, okay? I don’t want you to feel like you own me either. Sounds good?”

“Yes.” Bucky breathed out, looking in disbelief at Steve’s smile.

“Good, come on eat up, sweet boy. Food is getting cold.” 

Not really feeling like putting food in his twisted up stomach but also happy to busy his mind with a task, Bucky started eating again. The silence that settled between them was more comfortable, legs pressed together and little stolen gazes. Eventually, Steve started asking questions again, about Bucky’s studies and his internship.

At first, Bucky was a bit hesitant, not wanting to bore the man, but Steve kept asking with a smile anyway. Bucky was not sure how to deal with Steve’s full attention, while he talked about things he loved. He hadn’t talked that much in a long time and his voice was getting scratchy. Not that Steve didn’t talk, no, he told Bucky little anecdotes from his own college time, mostly funny stories that made Bucky laugh. Dorm life seemed wild, Bucky wasn’t sure if he was sad or relieved he missed it.

“Ah, it has gotten quite late,” Steve said eventually “Would you let me drive you home?”

“You don’t have to? I could just take the train.”

“Of course, but I’m offering because, as I said, it’s quite late and I would be more comfortable with driving you home. Not to mention that we still have muffins to eat.” 

“Oh okay, if you don’t mind.” Besides, Steve driving him home meant they would spend more time together and Bucky was in favor of that.

After Steve gave him a pointed look that made Bucky blush, they walked back to Stark Tower, and for the second time that day, Bucky entered SHIELD’s office. People were still working there, but then security wasn’t a 9-to-5 kinda job and it made Bucky wonder what that meant for Steve. When did the man work. 

Once the door of Steve’s office closed behind him, Bucky took hold of Steve’s hand. They were alone now and Bucky had stared at it all the way back to the tower.

The older man squeezed back, pulling Bucky closer until he was pressed against Steve’s chest. Engulfed in strong arms and the man’s scent. Heaven. Sighing happily, Bucky nuzzled the chest and nearly melted away when Steve kissed his hair.

“You’re good there, baby boy?”

“Hmhm,” Bucky mumbled and looked up with a happy smile, somewhat prepared for that look in Steve’s eyes, but only somewhat. Bucky wasn’t used to getting such gentle attention, or how Steve seemed happy just looking at him.

“Let me get my things, sweetheart,” Steve said and took a step back and Bucky couldn’t stop himself from pouting. Chuckling Steve leaned forward to give him a forehead kiss. Forehead kiss! 

With a non-functioning brain, Bucky just stood there, staring blankly. Luckily there was no huge mirror in the office because Bucky really didn't want to see just how besotted he looked. 

“Here, take a muffin.” Holding the open box towards Bucky with a teasing grin didn’t make Steve look any less handsome. Of course not, it was Steve after all. Giggling stupidly Bucky took a muffin. Mostly just to be busy, so that he could stop himself from hugging Steve again and being in the way. 

Not that the man needed long to pack his bag, once he was finished he leaned against his desk, looking at Bucky with that dangerous soft smile of his. Deciding that hugging was fair game again, Bucky stepped closer, squeaking when Steve pulled him closer between parting legs.

“Tasty?” Steve asked as he pushed a strand of hair back behind Bucky’s ear.

Since words had left him, Bucky just offered the rest of his muffin up to Steve’s mouth and breathlessly watched as the man bid in. But all the way Steve kept looking at him, at his eyes until Bucky had to look away because it was getting too intense. 

In response, Steve kissed his temple and Bucky was ready to expire and melt onto the floor, he couldn’t deal with it. But at the same time, he greedily pressed closer, seeking the attention and warmth, flabbergasted that Steve was giving it so easily. 

One of Steve’s hands was combing through his hair, making Bucky want to purr like a cat. He wanted to live in this moment forever. Then the hand gently pulled Bucky’s head until he looked into Steve’s blue eyes, as the man’s other hand gently stroked his cheek. “Can I kiss you?”

Bucky’s mushy brain needed a moment before he nodded while wetting his lips. Whimpering as the man leaned down, Bucky let out a shuddering breath when their lips gently brushed against each other. Steve opened his mouth slightly, nibbling on Bucky’s bottom lip and eventually sucking it in. Letting out a surprised moan, Bucky was blown away by the sudden desire that washed through him. Blinking stupidly up at Steve when the man let go of him, made the man chuckle and press another kiss to his lips, before pulling Bucky closer. 

“Let’s go downstairs, so I can drive you home, hm?” Steve whispered into his hair. But instead of letting go, Bucky hugged Steve tight, not wanting this moment to end. 

“Baby boy, it’s late and you and I both have to work tomorrow,” Steve murmured again.

Grumbling Bucky finally let go, earning another forehead kiss that made him blink up owlishly. It felt like he was caught in a cloud or something. 

Dazed he simply followed Steve out of the office and into the elevator. Alone again, Bucky leaned closer. Seeking warmth, a bit of touch, or a bit of security, he got all of it when Steve’s arm settled on his shoulder and pulled him closer. “You’re okay there? You’ve been silent for a while now. Sleepy?”

Bucky just nodded against the chest, despite knowing he wasn’t really that tired, he just felt a bit... floaty. And the kiss Steve pressed in his hair wasn’t helping. Taking a deep breath Bucky straightened himself when the elevator came to a halt. Steve let go of him, stepping out and Bucky just followed, as he tried to clear his head.

Was this why they called it being on cloud nine? It was such an intense feeling of happiness, of giddiness really, that it spooked Bucky a bit. Realizing how easy he could be manipulated right now. 

Just as he fastened his seatbelt, a box landed in his lap. “Here, we still have muffins to eat,” Steve grinned at him and Bucky had to laugh. Cheerful, relieved, because Steve had given him no reason for mistrust so far, he should just shush his mind.

Both of them ended up eating one more muffin, Bucky looking at Steve with a shy smile, occasionally Steve gazed back, but mostly kept his eyes on the road. At times Steve’s hand touched Bucky’s tight, giving it a tiny squeeze that made Bucky go all mushy. 

After parking nearby Bucky’s apartment complex, Steve’s hand again landed on his tight, so Bucky wormed his own hand under it and smiled pleased when Steve’s big hand took a hold of it. Deciding that it was dark outside and no one would see, Bucky pulled their hands to his mouth and gave Steve’s hand a tiny kiss. Pressing his cheek against it and smiled. If this was a dream he never wanted to wake up again.

“Damn, baby, do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

Blinking confused, Bucky looked at Steve “Huh?”

The man just smiled, his thumb stroking over Bucky’s cheek. “You’re beautiful. Do I have the chance to take you out on another date?”

“I- Yes? Yes! Yes of course. When?” Bucky asked breathlessly and ducking his head and squirmed. 

The thumb kept caressing his cheek, making Bucky look up again to see Steve smiling sheepishly. “You know, I just came back from vacation, so I’m a bit busy and can’t make any real promises, but do you have time on Sunday? In the afternoon, of course, don’t want to get between you and Clint’s pizza. I will text you during the week how it looks, okay?”

“Yes, sure,” Bucky nodded. Sunday, so four whole days away, but Bucky could manage that, right? 

They sat like this in silence for a moment until Bucky had to yawn. Chuckling Steve squeezed his hand before letting go. “Go to bed, Bucky. I’ll text you when I’m back at my apartment, okay?” 

“Okay.”, Bucky mumbled and touched the door handle. Biting his lips he looked at Steve one more time. “Good night, Daddy.” 

The reaction came instantly, Steve’s eyes widened and he choked a little on his breath for a moment, but then he smiled. Brightly and warm. “Sweet dreams, baby boy.”

At the entrance door, Bucky turned around to give Steve a last tiny wave, before he floated up the stairs to his apartment. 

* * *

The moment Bucyk opened the apartment, two doors inside basically flew open and the hyenas pounced on him. To be fair, he had left them hanging with only a quick message saying that he was on a date and would return home late. In the car, he had glanced at his phone only to see it had a bunch of messages waiting for him.

“Date?” Kate said with a big grin and grabbed his arm to pull him inside and dumped him on a kitchen chair. “Tell us everything.” 

By then Nat had reached them and they loomed over him with giddy smiles. Maybe Bucky should feel intimidated, but all he could do was laugh hard and long, he just was so happy. And maybe a bit disbelieving that this was really happening. 

“Come on, James. We sat here four hours without any information. Spill!”

It was then, that Bucky remembered that Nat had no fucking clue and it made him giggle even more.

“I take it went well if he is giddy like this,” Kate said and poked his side, not that that was helping with his laughing fit.

Taking in a deep breath to calm down, Bucky looked at them with a big grin. “So, yes, I went on a date and yes, it went well, and yes there will probably be another date in the near future.”

“What did you do? Tell us!”, Kate sat down next to him.

“And who is he?” Nat followed suit, one arm holding Bucky’s tight as if to make sure he couldn’t bolt.

“Well, you remember that guy I was texting with? The one you said was interested in me, while I wasn’t so sure about that?”

“And we were right,” Nat said with unhidden satisfaction, but it made Bucky grin even wider. 

“Well, what you said got me thinking and then I tested that theory? Which ended with us meeting up today and yes, well, go on a date.” Telling it like that made Bucky realize that this had really happened and it left him a bit breathless.

“What did you do? Where did you go?” Kate asked, poking him again.

“Stop that, Kate! We just went out to eat, in a diner. Nothing fancy it was, eh, on short notice?”

“After work? You finish at 5, it's nearly midnight now! Even I got home before you!” Nat exclaimed in delight.

“Yes, well, we just talked… I guess?” Wow, did Steve and he really spent 6 hours just talking, that seemed so long. How had time passed so quickly?

“Earth to Bucky in Wonderland,” a finger snapped before his face, bringing him back to look at Nat. 

“Huh?”

“Oh, this is precious. But stay in the here and now, we have questions.” Kate grinned while shaking his arm. At least she had stopped poking him.

“Yes, tell us more about loverboy.”

“Loverboy?”

“Your date!”

“Ah, oh. Well, he is nice? Drove me home because it had gotten so late?” As expected Nat nodded in satisfaction at that. 

“Go ooooon!” Kate prodded.

“Uh, I don’t know what you want me to tell you. He is older?” Both girls just rolled their eyes, but still smiled. 

“Who is not surprised? Ah, me.” Kate muttered but kicked his leg good-natured. 

“Besides we knew that before. How much older?” Nat pressed on.

“Uh, he is in his mid-thirties?” Was Bucky having fun? Maybe. 

Nat rolled her eyes as if she was giving up on him, but it was clearly playful. “Fine. Name and address? I need to deliver a shovel talk.”

“Well,” Bucky hummed, trying to keep a serious face. “His name is Steve, I don’t know his address. But I’m sure you could find out, or you could just knock at his office door?”

There was a moment of silence before Nat repeated. “Steve. Office door.” 

Bucky wouldn’t lie, it was tremendous fun to watch realization settle in Nat’s face. “As in Steve my boss?!”

So focused on Nat, Bucky was ill-prepared for Kate suddenly hitting his shoulder and doubling over in laughter. “Oh, this is gold!”

The short distracting made him vulnerable to Nat poking his side. “I can’t believe you! For how long has this been going on?!”

“Ouch, stop. I- don’t know? Ouch! Okay, I guess since the 4th of July? I may have blurted something out while being smashed.”

“Wait, that night he took you home? But he didn’t-” Nat looked like she was already plotting murder.

“No, no! I woke up in his guest bedroom. Alone. Nothing happened. He took perfectly good care of me, made me breakfast, and drove me home!” 

“Goddammit, James. That was earlier this month and you said nothing?!”

“I didn’t remember at first, okay?! And besides, I didn’t know if he liked me back, okay? I didn’t know anything was going to happen until half a week ago and even then I didn’t believe it!”

Meanwhile, Kate had finally managed to get a hold of herself and ruffled his hair. “You are unbelievable. I hope this works out for you.”

“How did this happen without me realizing?” Seemed like Nat had a slight identity crisis.

“To be fair, you weren’t around for any of it? Except for that day at Clint’s house.”

Nat’s grin turned a bit sharper. “Speaking about Clint, when are you going to tell him you’re kissing our boss?”

“Ah well, he already knows?”

Kate lost it again, hitting the table as she laughed while an outraged Nat started hitting him. “You told him and not me?!”

Trying to ward off her arms, Bucky quickly tried to defend himself. “No! He figured it out! When Steve left for Iraq we shortly spoke in Clint’s backyard! And he saw me coming out of Steve’s office today!”

“God-freaking-dammit,” Nat finally stopped hitting him, leaning back against the chair, face hidden in a hand but Bucky could see her smile.

“So Nat, you’re ready to give your boss a shovel talk?” Kate asked with another laugh as she kicked Nat’s leg under the table.

“You really think him being my boss will stop me?” Nat sat back up with a grin that promised blood before it eased. “But Steve is also my friend, he is a good man, I know I can trust him with you. He won’t hurt you. And if he does he will look like a kicked puppy and try his very best to make it up to you. He is an overgrown Golden Retriever.”

“So no shovel talk?” Kate grinned at her teasingly. 

“No, he’ll still get one, just to make sure. Together with a kind reminder that I know where he sleeps.” 

“Well then. Sounds like a good guy for you, Bucky. And I like that smile on your face, I hope it stays.” Bucky could only bashfully bite his lip as Kate ruffled his hair again.

“And now, we should hope that we didn’t annoy our neighbors with squealing too loud and go to bed.” Kate continued as she stood up and promptly ensured she could have the bathroom first. 

Once he was finally in bed, Bucky looked at his phone one last time, smiling as he saw that Steve had texted him as it was proof that this was really happening.

> Steve:
> 
> _Going to bed now. Sweet dreams, baby boy_ 😘

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it, getting back into writing was so hard at first...  
> Come talk to me in the comments or on [tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/) if you want. 🤗


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve:  
> Good morning, baby boy. I hope slept well 😘
> 
> Looking at this message in the morning was proof Bucky hadn’t just dreamed the last evening up. It was real. Yesterday really happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks are so long, I really wish I could post more often 🥺

> Steve:
> 
> _Good morning, baby boy. I hope slept well_ 😘

Looking at this message in the morning was proof Bucky hadn’t just dreamed the last evening up. It was real. Yesterday really happened. 

> Bucky:
> 
> _I did, hope you did too_ 😊
> 
> _And fair warning, Nat wants to talk to you?_

This was so lame, but Bucky had no idea what else to write. He could only hope that Natalia didn’t scare him away or something. But Nat didn’t seem to seriously disapprove of Steve, so this would be okay, right?

Then he realized he was worrying too much and was already getting late, so he got ready and left the apartment in a frenzy. In the subway, he had a few moments to calm down, let it sink in some more, and then a bright smile grew on his face not planning to leave for a while.

Suddenly remembering Loki, Bucky giggled and started typing.

> Bucky:
> 
> _So I called him Daddy. It worked_ 😇

With a spring in his steps, Bucky went to work. Feeling so strangely happy that the smile really became plastered to his face.

Even when Dr. Banner commented on it and Bucky tried to compose himself a little bit in response. But the other man just shook his head and laughed. “You can smile as bright and as long as you want, Bucky. Whatever it is that makes you so happy, I hope it lasts.”

Then, in true Dr. Banner fashion, the man handed him a green tea and they went back to business as usual. When August came to an end, Bucky had to say goodbye in the form of matcha muffins.

Around noon, Bucky checked his phone again. A couple of messages from Loki, demanding more information so they agreed to meet up on Skype later on. But the messages from Steve made him smile more brightly. The way this was going his face would hurt soon.

> Steve:
> 
> _Thanks for the warning._
> 
> _Your other guard dog just left my office._
> 
> Bucky:
> 
> _Them?_
> 
> Steve:
> 
> _Yes, first Nat and then Clint knocked as well. Complaining I had evaded him yesterday._

Oh, oh! Suddenly worrying about what Clint and Nat could have said about his shameful past. But his thoughts were interrupted by another message.

> Steve:
> 
> _Now I better make sure I have time on Sunday. After all, I promised them I would treat you right._ 😘

Guh. That emoji was becoming one of Bucky’s new favorite things to see. Was it okay to be slain by an emoji like this? Holy shit.

Trying and failing to answer made Bucky groan in frustration. Why was this so hard? They had been texting for weeks now! Granted, now that they were _dating_ it was a bit different, but still. 

> Bucky:
> 
> _I would like to see you on Sunday._ 😊

So lame, so incredibly lame. Feeling stupid, Bucky pocketed the phone and went back to work. It would have to do, he would just not look for messages until work was over.

> Steve:
> 
> _Working on it_ 😉
> 
> _Hope your day is going well._ 😘

Guh, there it was again. Death by emoji.

Of course, when he complained about the stupid smiley to Loki, the man just laughed. “O.m.g. I can’t believe you. How can you be this disgustingly adorable about a simple smiley?”

“I can’t help it. It just makes me go- urgh.”

“Oh boy, you really are gone on that man, huh?”

Bucky just groaned and hit his face in the pillow. “I guess so. Feels like I’m asking for trouble. I mean, this way I’m so easy to manipulate.”

Loki hummed. “Well, it’s Rogers. The man is so good and boring. He won’t exploit you, a high chance he is in a similar state of mind. Quite frankly I’m already surprised he is down for Daddy kink, he is so wholesome. Good guy America and all that shit.”

“Nat called him a Golden Retriever,” Bucky mumbled but looked up from his pillow with a smile.

“Accurate. I mean he and my brother have a strange bromance going on in that regard, so eh. But what now, you have another date planned?” 

Demanding all the details Bucky had, but also complaining that it all was so tooth-rotting sweet that he would get diabetes, Loki kept him entertained for a while until he had to go to bed.

After that, Bucky finally sent Steve a text back, now worrying that the man will be annoyed with the late reply. Sure Loki had told him some people played hard to get that way and he shouldn’t worry, but quite frankly Bucky didn’t want to be hard to get. He just wanted Steve to snatch him up and- do whatever he wanted to. 

Going to bed with a goodnight message from Steve was a fantastic feeling. Just as it was amazing to wake up to a good morning text. Bucky didn’t know how to deal with it, all that he knew was that he liked it very much. It was a constant reminder that this was real, even if they didn’t see each other.

Other messages came around lunch, little boosts of happiness. And so it went on for the next days. Still, Bucky always fretted about what to write back. Was he being too annoying? Or did he seem too aloof? Besides, he missed Steve. He wanted to hug him, wanted to kiss him. Urgh, dating was hard. And they hadn’t even started.

Then on Friday, Steve messaged him that if Bucky still wanted, they could meet up on Sunday afternoon. The man asked if he wanted to go to Brooklyn Bridge Park and obviously, Bucky did. Even if meeting in such a public place meant, he couldn’t jump-hug Steve in greeting.

* * *

That Sunday Bucky entered Clint’s house for lunch when he realized he had forgotten one very important thing. Meanwhile, Wanda and Pietro were staring at him accusingly “So when were you going to tell us, you were dating Steve?” 

Oops. “I, uh, I- sorry? It’s still new?” 

“Be happy that I think you are adorable,” Wanda rolled her eyes and pinched his cheeks. 

But Pietro wasn’t that easily mollified. “I love you and all, Bucky, but on Sunday mornings your man has a date with me, are we clear?” 

“Crystal,” Bucky said with a sheepish smile. 

“Good, fine. He better treat you right, you hear me? I told him earlier, that I’m faster than him, so he better behave.” 

“Or he’ll drag him to me. I have sharp knives in the kitchen!” Wanda grinned scarily. 

Protective baby siblings were adorable, but Bucky wasn’t going to say that out loud, lest Pietro would drag _him_ to a date with Wanda's knives. 

Of course, everyone had questions, and Bucky dutifully answered them until they made him blush too much. A bloody noisy lot.

In all honesty, he was glad to have an excuse to escape them, leaving under their catcalls and wide grins. This is why he didn’t want Steve to pick him up, Bucky would have died of embarrassment. 

Instead, he took the bike to Brooklyn Bridge Park, where they had agreed to meet at the stoned beneath the bridge. Bucky saw Stee first, as the man was wearing a red henley shirt. Sunglasses as well, why did that make him look so handsome? Bucky wanted to eat him. Or rather be eaten by him.

They hadn’t seen each other since Bucky left the car and now seeing the man waiting for him made the reality that this was real hit Bucky again. While he was about to become a helpless puddle on the floor because of feels, Steve turned around and caught sight of him. The beaming smile that appeared on Steve’S face didn’t help matters. 

“Bucky! Hey, how are you? Had a nice day? Full of pizza now, I guess.” Steve had jogged closer and pulled him into a half hug. 

Blinking with mental overload, Bucky tried to progress that Steve was so obviously happy to see him and suppress the desire to press his face into the man’s chest and take a deep breath.

“Uh, oh, hey? And, uh, good. Pizza yes, was tasty as always. And you?”

“I’m good. Just happy to be outside and not cramped into my office. I mean sure it rained earlier, it’s still a bit cloudly but that just means we won’t die in the summer heat. I take it.”

“Ah yes, the rain. It’s cooler now but August just started.” Are they seriously talking about the weather right now while staring at each other stupidly with equally as stupid grins on their face? Yes, they were.

“So, what do you have planned?” Bucky asked and then bashfully looked at his worn shoes. Steve’s shoes looked so fancy in comparison.

“Nothing big, I’m going to Arnie’s place for dinner, he wants to finally see the beard. I’ll tell him it’s all thanks to you. But I wanted to see an art installation at Pier 3. Nothing big, don’t worry. I thought we could just walk around for a bit? They finished the new piers in May and I haven’t seen them yet.”

“Are you here often?”

“Then and there. I mean I have a weak spot for the Brooklyn Bridge, but it’s the first time I managed to this year.”

Biting his lip, Bucky looked at Steve’s right arm where a part of the tattoo was peaking out. “Your tattoo is the Brooklyn Bridge, isn’t it?”

“It is!” Steve grinned and rolled his sleeve up, showing Bucky the whole tattoo. 

It was the view of walking down the wooden walkway and rough the cables one could see the skyscrapers of Manhattan. Bucky’s mind went a little fuzzy when he realized that the tattoo showed the Twin Towers. Swallowing once Bucky tried to figure out what to say.

“Wow, it’s very detailed. Like, it’s almost a bit like a black and white picture. Well, black and your skin. I, uh, it’s beautiful.” And it was, it really was. It was making Bucky melancholic. “I’m thinking about getting a tattoo too..”

“Oh?” Steve let go of the sleeve and it fell back down slightly, hiding the Towers away. “What do you have in mind?”

“I-” Bucky stocked and looked at Steve contemplatively. What should he say? Well, Dr. Xavier had made sure Bucky realized how important communication was. And if Bucky wanted to be with Steve, which he did, then he would have to talk about the stupid scar sooner or later anyway. Even if thinking about it, made his whole body feel sick. “I have a scar. I hate it. A tattoo would hide it.”

“Hm, yes it can, just have a tattoo artist have a look at it? They would surely be able to tell you more. I can give you some addresses if you want.”

“Yeah? That- I might take you up on that.” Bucky smiled back hesitantly, still, he would rather them talking about another subject. “So, uh, this is the first time this year? That you are here, I mean. Didn’t have the time?”

There was a ruefully smile on Steve’s face, nearly a bit sheepish. “Partly? I could have made the time if I had really wanted, but I didn’t have anyone to go with.” 

“Oh.” Bucky breathed out, shuddering lightly when he felt Steve’s hand brush against his. Throat closed up and heart feeling like squealing Bucky ducked his head at the implication. He wanted to grab Steve’s hand, hold onto it forever and give it little kisses. But they were outside and Bucky just couldn’t.

“Is there anything you want to do?” Steve’s voice made Bucky look up again.

“No? I- just wanted to spend time with you.” Did he really just say such a cheesy thing? Yes. Yes, he did. For fucks sake.

But while Bucky wanted to curl up and die, Steve laughed as if delighted. “Well, I’m happy to hear that, because I want to spend time with you too. We could get ice cream or something if you like.”

“Sure,” Bucky mumbled with warm cheeks. “So you want to see an art installation, yes?”

“Yes. But we don’t have to stay long, don’t worry. It’s not big.”

“No, no, it’s fine. Where is it? What is it anyway?”

“It’s a statue.” Steve grinned as he started walking. “Or rather, part of a statue. It’s a piece of the draped sleeve of the Statue of Liberty.” 

“What?! Did they cut her in pieces?” Bucky asked horrified and stopped walking, but Steve just laughed.

“No, no. Our Lady is whole and healthy. No, someone recreated the whole statue, but never put all the pieces together. Instead, the pieces are spread all over the world.”

Breathing out in relief, Bucky started walking again. “Don’t scare me like that! But that sounds rather cool, actually. Especially because we have the real one in the background here.” 

“I’m sorry, sweety, I didn’t mean to.” Steve tried to look apologetic but his twitching lips betrayed him.

Meanwhile, Bucky died because of the pet name, because he seriously was a sucker for them. On the other hand, he worried about what other people heard and thought. But no one was even looking at them.

“Fine. But then we have to look at the real deal first! I feel the need to check that she is still whole.” Bucky decided and started moving. 

Laughing Steve followed him. “You want to swim over?”

“No!” Bucky pouted back, “Looking from this side of the river will have to do. Going over is a bit impractical, after all.”

“A bit,” Steve said still grinning as he caught up with Bucky. He was walking so close, that their arms brushed against each other now and then. One could blame it on the park being a bit crowded, so Bucky tried his best to stay calm and suppress the wish to hold Steve’s hand.

They kept walking close by the river, finding a good spot to see Lady Liberty at a railing eventually. While Steve leaned against it like the cool man he was, Bucky climbed up the railing so that, for once, he was taller than Steve.

“Haven’t been over in ages,” Bucky mumbled wistfully as he looked at the -thankfully- still whole statue. “Summer before… Well. My Pops took me on an only boy’s trip.” 

“Ah.” Steve’s fingers were brushing Bucky’s on the railing, “Haven’t been over for like 7 years? With Peggy and her brother, I know Elle was already pregnant with Sharon. Seems like another life.” 

“Yeah, same. But I guess, it was another life.” Deciding that their hand were hidden from view anyway, Bucky sneaked his hand under Steve’s, despite the heaviness he felt in his chest, Bucky’s heart fluttered when Steve squeezed it and gently stroked his thumb over the back of Bucky’s hand. 

“Let’s not mope around, sweety. We’re here to have a good time, right. Ice cream?”

“Well, sugar certainly makes me happy?” Bucky looked at Steve a bit dumbfounded and then cringed at his words.

But again Steve laughed, giving his hand a last squeeze before taking a step back. “Then let’s find a place, you know what you want?”

“Strawberry,” Bucky replied giddily, jumping from the railing before getting a hold of his childish urges. “What do you want?” 

“Hm?” Steve smiled as they started walking.

“Ice cream? it’s my time to pay for something.”

Now Steve frowned and Bucky got ready to argue his cause, but then Steve huffed a laugh and smiled warmly at Bucky. In all honestly, Bucky wasn’t sure if his heart would survive the man smiling like that. “Sure, I’ll just take strawberry as well.” 

A bit perplexed Bucky followed and then got them ice cream at a stand. So with cones in their hand and still walking a bit closer together than necessary - but Bucky couldn’t stop himself - they reached pier 3.

“It’s so… brown?” Bucky blinked confused as they approached the art piece.

“Well, just like the Statue of Liberty this is made with chopper. And with rain chopper oxidizes and over time turns green.”

“Yeah, I knew that,” Bucky pouted at Steve who just ruffled his hair.

“Of course you did.”

Still pouting Bucky stepped closer and crouched down. “It’s also really thin.”

“Yeah, actually the statue only has a thickness of 0,09 inches. That’s less than two pennies.” Steve had stepped behind him, Bucky could feel the body heat and he almost wanted to lean back.

“That’s kind of fragile.” He mumbled and instead hugged his knees.

“Yes, I suppose she is. And so is liberty.”

Craning his neck until he could look at Steve, Bucky again felt floored with the feelings inside his chest. It was totally unfair that they were out in the open and Bucky couldn’t just ask Steve to pull him up and into a hug.

When Bucky reached out with his hand, Steve pulled him up and that ended in another half-hug at least. Bucky would take it, for now.

They ended up walking around the park some more, sitting down near the river for a while, talking about nothing in particular until the topic settled on how Brooklyn had changed over the years. That made it strikingly obvious how much younger Bucky was. At times that still seemed to throw Steve off, and even when the man laughed about it, it made Bucky worry that he would get annoyed by it quickly.

“I fear I’ll have to leave soon,” Steve said as he looked at his watch. “Or I won’t get any dinner.”

“Ah, okay.” To be true they had been out for hours, but Bucky nonetheless was not ready for their time to be over. He wanted to cling to the man like a koala, hug him all tight and never let go. 

Steve smiled at him, still as warmly, but also a little bit less bright. “Did you come with the metro?” 

Maybe Steve also wasn’t happy about leaving, but maybe that was just wishful thinking. “No. I came with my bike.”

“It’s still back at the bridge? Then let’s walk there, okay?”

“Sure.” Bucky would take any minute more he could get. “And you? Subway?”

“Yeah, I mean the weather is nice, but if I walked there I would need nearly an hour, so it’s the stinky subway for me.” 

Huffing a laugh Bucky started moving, maybe supposedly walking slowly. They didn’t manage to keep a conversation going, but now and then their arms and even their hands brushed against each other, a bit too often to be purely by accident. This small hidden touched was all Bucky would get, for now, so he would treasure them dearly.

Sighing silently as they reached his bike, Bucky was very slow with unlocking it. He had enjoyed this, just walking around together, enjoying the bits of nature one could get in NYC while talking about topics in an easygoing way. But weren’t dates meant to be super exciting and adventurous or something? What if Steve had been totally bored.

Biting his lips Bucky turned to Steve, nervously playing with the lock in his hand. “So, uh,- will you write?”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Steve murmured, one arm coming up to squeeze Bucky’s shoulder, thumb stroking over the collarbone. “Of course, I will. Have to figure out when you are ready to meet me again, after all, don’t I?”

Steve wanted to meet again! Looking up hopefully, Bucky’s heart curled up because of the warm fondness in the man’s eyes. “Sure, yes! If you want to I mean.”

“Oh, I want to. Have to treat you right, don’t I. Have to ask you out on our first real date. The one where I take you out, wine, and dine you until you are all stuffed with tasty food and happy as can be.” The deep tone sent shivers down Bucky’s spine, made him suck in a breath and leave it out slowly. 

“My schedule is still a bit of a mess right now, I’m so sorry. I’m trying to get the Saturday evening free but it’s not looking so well. I don’t know if you would want to meet up on Sunday evening or during the week. We’ll figure something out, okay?” 

“Okay,” Bucky mumbled, leaning into the hand on his shoulder. He didn’t really want to think about next week too much. 

“I’m looking forward to it. Now, how about you write me when you got home safe, and I will in return tell you how Arnie reacted to the beard and sent pictures of the barbecue? Deal?”

“Deal,” Bucky whispered back and for a moment they stood there in silence. Probably too long for it to appear normal to whoever could be watching them, especially with Steve’s hand still resting on Bucky’s shoulder, still making little circles with his thumb. 

“So, uh, thanks for today, have a nice evening?” Bucky was already cringing at himself, he was really on the roll of saying embarrassing things today.

“Yeah, it was nice to be outside again, and have such sweet company. So thank you.”

Bucky looked at his sheets with red sheets, but also a smile. One last squeeze to his shoulder before Steve let go. “Now, off you go, sweetheart.”

“Uh- yes, sure.” Bucky sat down on his bike, before looking at Steve again. “Bye?”

“Goodbye, sweety.” Steve smiled at him again. Could one frame a smile? Even if it made one’s heart flutter around all strangely? 

With a last tiny wave, Bucky finally drove off, before their goodbye got dragged even longer, and it wouldn’t just be embarrassing but ridiculous. 

At home, he was a bit mopey making Kate roll her eyes, telling him he was adorable. Only to then declare war on Steve when the man started sending food pictures. 

“Fuck him, we’re ordering take-out, and then later we’ll make microwave muffins as we laze around the sofa looking some comedy. Better evening than he will have with his stupid barbecue.” 

* * *

On Monday Bucky was busy with a project when he got called up to Dr. Banners office. Wondering if the man had an extraordinary delivery-job for him, Bucky went up without second thoughts. 

“Hey, Bucky.”, the man greeted him with a smile. “Sit down. You want tea?”

Sit down? As in, sit down we need to have a talk? Did something happen? Had Bucky fucked up somehow? But Dr. Banner was smiling, friendly smiling, and Bucky had not experienced him to be a fake-smiler.

“Did, uh, something happen?” he asked in an uncertain voice.

“Well, yes. Vision called over the weekend.”

“Oh? When is he coming back?”

“And that’s the point. Because he isn’t coming back until spring. He decided to stay in Wakanda longer, has plans to go on relief work missions outside the country.”

“Oh. Well, he hinted at a few things he found interesting, but he hadn’t told me he would stay.”

“Admittingly, he was unsure about that until this weekend. Pepper had to soothe his worries a bit, that taking a gap semester or even gap year won’t hurt his future, quite the opposite actually. But, as you can imagine, this means I’m not getting my assistant back.”

“Oh.” Was Dr. Banner offering- No he couldn’t be.

“Now you told me that you would need a new job after this internship anyway. Now, you know your way around here, know all the people, so I wanted to ask if you could imagine staying a while longer?”

“I-uh, yes, sure? I like it here, I mean, yeah. But how is the schedule? I mean, I have classes under the week, and yeah? I normally worked on weekends.”

“So did Vision. I’ll need you here at least a few hours around midweek. You could come after classes. Other than that, I don’t care. We can look at how your class schedule is and work it around that. And quite frankly, I don’t really care what weekday it is, if it’s best for you to work here on Saturdays, then we can do that. I can easily push my ‘weekend’ to Sunday and Monday, it’s not like I have pressing dates and invitations to miss. I’m bored most of the time anyway.”

“I’m sorry,” Bucky mumbled, being caged in a place was no fun. 

Dr. Banner gave him a sad smile. “It’s not your fault. And I’d rather be here than in a prison cell. I have free internet access, and yoga videos, all the books to read, and more often than not Tony and I spent the weekends in the labs tinkering around. Don’t worry about me… So you want the job?”

“Yes!”

“Thank god. Then I don’t have to find a new assistant.” Dr. Banner leaned back against his chair. 

“Eh, happy to help?”

This made Dr. Banner laugh out loud, and they spent Bucky’s lunch break drinking tea. Green tea of course, what else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is, Chapter 2. Got delayed a little because I feel a bit unwell this weekend and I didn't get the edit done. We're are now on the dating ride.  
> Come talk to me in the comments or on [tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/) if you want. 🤗   
> P.S Next chapter starts on a little angsty hurt note, but Steve will make it better (of course, duh!)


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are days when Bucky is just overcome with his grief, luckily he is not alone and can find comfort with his family. This year, there is one more person very willing to give him a cuddle session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, here is the new chapter 😊  
> Sadly, I'm very stressed at the moment and I have a deadline looming on March 8th, therefore I doubt I'll be able to post the next chapter that weekend, but I'll get it up by the 10th then! 
> 
> Fair warning: the first part of this chapter is about grief, so maybe have some tissues ready? And if you are still grieving for someone you have lost recently the first part of this chapter might get to you. Know you are never alone ❤️

Wednesday. Wednesday, August 6th. Waking up that day was always a surreal feeling. If Bucky even managed to get some sleep, that’s it. The alarm went off, and Bucky had the sudden desire to smash his phone to the wall. Expect it wasn’t even his phone. Did Bucky have to give it back, now that he stayed with Dr. Banner? The ceiling did not have an answer. But he could ask later when he signed the new contract. But that meant getting up.

A knock on his door, Bucky heard it, but somehow didn’t find it in himself to answer. However, Nat wasn’t one to just wait around and so she opened the door, remaining silent while Bucky stopped staring at the ceiling and instead looked at her. 

“Come on, James, get up, breakfast is ready and you are already running late.”

Oh, had he just spent half an hour staring at the ceiling? Seemed like it. 

When he still didn’t get up, Nat started pulling at him, first gently then more forcefully until finally Bucky groaned and stood up. 

In the bathroom, Bucky lost himself staring at the mirror, staring at himself. Trying to see his family’s faces in his own, see traces of them, trying to remember what they looked like. Especially what his mother looked like.

12 years. It’s been 12 years. It was always strange to add another year to the tally.  _ Oh look, you are an orphan for 12 years now _ . Which meant he had spent more time without his family than with them. And that was a hard pill to swallow.

Breakfast tasted like nothing while he tried to remember what he had eaten _ that  _ day. probably a sandwich, or some cereals his mother had given him. He couldn’t remember. Did he want to remember?

Nat shaking him got him out of his brain again and he followed her to work, _ coincidentally _ she had to start working at the same time. It made Bucky’s mouth twitch a little at least. On the subway, he looked at his phone, seeing the messages from Steve but just couldn’t answer.

Work provided a small amount of distraction and yes, he could keep the phone. Still, he had taken half a day off, leaving the tower with the sun up and only a few passing clouds. It was the kind of weather his mother would have liked.

Uncaring that he was wearing a suit, Bucky sat down before his mother’s grave. Gently sliding the bouquet he bought between the others. Now the grave was a cheerful mix of oranges and yellows. His mother would have loved it. 

“Hey, mom,” Bucky whispered as his fingers played with a gerbera. He wondered about the other bouquets and who had bought them. After 12 years, who were these strangers that still left his mother flowers? Trying to find a clue he searched them, but like every year he found nothing- 

Was it a fruitless hope that someday maybe his sister would leave a bouquet with a clue? Would she even know who her mother was and when she died? 

“Do you know how Becca is?” Bucky whispered again, feeling stupid for talking out loud but wanting to talk to his mom anyway. “Is she happy and safe? Her 17th birthday is coming up, isn’t that crazy? She will be all grown up soon but in my brain, she is still that little girl.” He said that every year, like a broken record while in his mind a smiling girl with pigtails appeared.

“I’m finishing my studies soon, well the first part, pretty sure I’m going to keep studying. Got a job with Stark Industries, can you believe that? Sure just an internship, but it’s still a literal goldmine for the future, right? For the first time, I think that maybe the future could be good. That I can make it, that I can enjoy it. I also-”

Now playing with the dirt he looked up at the sky, feeling the sun stroke his cheeks and Bucky swallowed down his tears. 

“Not sure if you would approve, of course, but I’m dating a guy now. He is nice, I really like him. His name is Steve. I- I’m hoping he will be my boyfriend... It’s still rather new... It’s a bit scary, you know, that dating thing. Grannie told me how you and pops met, at least as much as she knew. But I would have liked to hear it from you. I- Don’t really have anyone else I can ask about that- or really want to, I guess.”

Sighing heavily Bucky looked at the gravestone and traced his mother’s name with his eyes. “I miss you, mom.” 

The lump that had formed in his throat made it hard to speak and Bucky furiously tried to wipe his tears away.

His phone rang. How long had he already been in the graveyard? He wasn’t even sure where his phone was, as he hadn’t really looked at it all day. Fishing it out of his bag, he answered the call. 

“Hi, Katie.”

“Hey, Bucky. Dinner is ready, do you want to come home?” 

Suddenly being filled with a strange feeling of warmth Bucky had to wipe his tears away for a totally different reason. “Yeah, yeah. I- Sorry, I lost track of time.”

“No, it’s okay. Just wanted to check in on you.”

“Thanks, Kate. I’m- Quick visit to Grannie’s grave and then I’m coming home, okay?”

“Sure, I’ll keep the food warm.”

Standing up Bucky noticed that his legs had fallen asleep and then that he had a lot of messages on his phone. 6 of them from Steve. Whom he had gone radio silence on for all-day now. Right, but- No, later.

Brushing the dirt from his pants as best as he could he started moving with wobbly legs. Stealing one yellow gerbera he made his way over to the other grave, he was sure his mother wouldn’t mind. 

On the ride back he sent a quick note to Steve, just telling him he wasn’t having a great day and not to worry. It wasn’t like he wanted the man to think Bucky was ignoring him or something. He just didn’t have the energy.

At home, it already smelled delicious when he opened the door. “Hey Bucky, I made potato gratin. Or, well,  _ cheese, cheese, more cheese, and some potatoes _ \- gratin?” 

“Sounds perfect.” Bucky grinned at her, as she hugged him in greeting.

While he was stuffing his face with the food, Nat came home, and since it would be unkind to make her eat alone, Bucky had another serving. Now stuffed they curled up on the couch, watching some comedy show none of them paid attention to because they were too busy being in a food coma.

Getting his phone out to lazily scroll through it he found a new message from Steve.

> Steve:
> 
> _ I’m sorry you’re not feeling good today, sweetheart. If there is any way I can help, let me know. Or call me if you want  _ 😘 

Biting his lips, Bucky thought that he would really like to hear Steve’s voice. Granted, a hug would be better, but he would take what he could get. 

“I’m going to my room to call Steve?” 

Kate just looked at him through half-lidded eyes. “Sure, I think I’m going to my room, my bed is comfier. But it’s big enough for both of us, yeah?”

“I think I’m going to listen to some audiobook on my bed as well,” Nat mumbled from her position on the floor below the bed. “Help me up, will you.”

Chuckling, Bucky did pull her up and then watched as they shuffled to their rooms, somewhat happy that it wasn’t far from the couch to his bed. Laying down and curling up around his pillow, Bucky pressed call.

Which- should he have messaged beforehand? Like calling out of the blue, was that okay? Steve had said to call him, but -

“Hey, baby boy.” 

“Hey, Daddy,” Bucky whispered back, a bit overwhelmed that the man had picked up so fast. 

“Oh, sweety. Sounding a bit tired there?” Just hearing the man’s voice made Bucky want to curl up more.

“A bit. I stuffed myself with food and that’s not helping either.”

“Yeah?” Why did the voice sound so warm? Bucky loved it, but it kind of made him want a hug even more? 

“Yep! I’m laying on my bed pregnant with cheese and potato. Well more cheese.”

A soft chuckle on the other side. “Cheese, hm?”

There were rustling noises in the background and Bucky bit on his lip. “Did I interrupt something?”

“No, no, baby. Told you, you can call, right? I was just reading on my armchair and am now moving to the couch to be more comfortable. You have my undivided attention.”

Hiding his face in his pillow, Bucky tried to deal with the fluttering feelings in his stomach. “Okay... Well, your couch certainly looked comfy?”

“Oh, it is. Are you comfortable?”

“Uh-uh.” Bucky nodded into the pillow before realizing how stupid that is. “Yeah, laying on my bed. Your couch would be comfier tho.”

“You think so?” 

“Yep. Because it is big, and I could stretch and roll around. Not to mention that you are on that couch and I could snuggle up to you.”

“Oh sweetheart, would you like that? Lazing around and cuddling? ‘Think you would fit perfectly into my arms, head on my chest maybe, so I could give you little kisses and play with your hair.”

Oh. Oh!

“I- I would like that, yes,” Bucky whispered, missing Steve’s shirt because right now he would love to bury his nose in it.

“Hmhm. You can have it if you want. If not today then anytime in the future?”

“Okay, tomorrow, maybe? Not if you are busy of course, but-” 

“Of course, Bucky. You can just come over on your lunch break and we can have a little cuddle session.”

“R- Really? Like just, walk into your office and…” Bucky stammered. Could this be for real?

“Sure thing, sweety. I don’t have any meetings or calls around midday tomorrow.”

“I- I don’t want to disrupt you at work?” Was he being too needy? Steve had said that work was important to him.

“Baby, a hug won’t disturb me. Quite the opposite, I’m sure seeing you will give me an energy boost for the rest of the day. We can’t talk for hours, of course, but a hug will always fit in.”

“And maybe a kiss?” Bucky asked, already a puddle of goo. 

“Of course, baby, a kiss as well.”

Why did the man have to make him feel so emotional? Now Bucky again was busy trying not to cry. 

“You’re okay, Bucky?” 

That man with his stupid lovely soft voice. “Yeah, sorry. Just- Stressful day. It’s- My mother died today. I mean today 12 years ago, not  _ today _ -today.”

And now he was crying. Great.

“Sweety, hey.” 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Just ugh- Not my day, I guess.”

“It’s alright, I understand. Anything I can do to help you?”

“No, it’s okay. Day will be over soon and then tomorrow, well, I get a hug, so that’s a win.” Was he trying to play it cool? Maybe. But Steve didn’t necessarily need to know how much of a crybaby Bucky was, right? 

“Baby boy, don’t forget about the kiss, hm?"

“Right,” Bucky grinned and wiped his tears away. “Can’t forget about that. I shall remind you tomorrow if needed.”

A small laugh. “Sure, whatever you want, baby boy.”

“How- How was your day?” Bucky mumbled, suddenly realizing they had probably spent too much time talking about him already.

“Ah, well I guess I’m rather boring. Went on my morning run, then worked, came home, and started reading.”

“What did you read?”

They ended up talking about books for a while, or rather Steve talked and Bucky just asked questions, because he just wanted to hear Steve talk. 

It was a bit unbelievable that this was real, Bucky felt all soft and warm and that was too perfect to be true, right? 

“Baby?” 

“Oh, ah- sorry? Mind drifted.” Bucky sat up and rubbed his eyes again.

“Still tired? Want to lay down and try to sleep?” Bucky could, without doubt, but he didn’t think it would be restful sleep. 

“But it’s not that late yet? Maybe I’ll ask Kare if we can watch a movie or something.” He didn’t want to keep Steve busy all evening, it was already nice of the man that they had talked so long. 

“Sounds like a plan, text me if you want? Until I tell you goodnight I’ll have my phone in range.” 

Warm feelings settled in Bucky’s stomach again as he blinked tiredly. “Yeah, sure. Thanks, for- uh- letting me call you?” 

“Of course! Baby boy, you can always call. I might not always pick up, but I’ll get back to you.”

There the man did it again, attacking Bucky with words that made him emotional. “Okay, thank you. Good night Daddy?” 

“Good night baby boy, have fun!” 

Squealing once after hanging up, Bucky stared at his phone for a while or rather stared at the picture of Steve on his phone. Could this be really for real? Pinching his arm didn’t suddenly make him wake up, so that was good, right?

Getting ready for bed and then knocking on Kate’s door, he jumped on the bed next to her with his blanket. “Movie?”

“Disney?”

“Yes!” 

* * *

Hesitantly Bucky approached SHIELD's office the next day, bringing with him a lunch box for Steve and himself. Because Steve would need a lunch break as well, right? And then they could eat together.

Poking his head inside, he was a bit dismayed to not find Cameron on the counter, but an unknown woman that smiled politely at him. “Welcome to SHIELD’s office, how can I help you?”

But just as Bucky tried to find his words, a smiling Wil-Sam appeared. “Bucky, my man! How good to see you again. Here to see Steve?”

“Ah, yes, that was the plan. Lunch break, you know?” Slightly shaking the container, Bucky felt stupid but Sam just grinned.

“Well then, follow me, and let’s go annoy Stevie-o.”

Bucky had no plans to annoy Steve, but he would take the chance to walk past the woman at the reception, who was giving him a curious look now.

“How are you doing?” Bucky asked because one, he was polite and two, he wanted to know more about Steve’s friends.

“Doing good, admittingly counting down the time until the new manager will arrive, but good otherwise.”

“Is it very stressful here at the moment?”

“Nah, it's manageable. But I kind of have to prepare everything for this new manager, they will be right below me and I have to figure out what jobs and tasks I can give her. Not to mention what we can transfer away from Steve. Which is an argument I was prepared to have with him right now,  _ again _ , because the man is stubborn as a mule. So, I yield to you, for now, go mollify him so that I can do my work later.”

“Eh, okay?” Bucky said a bit blindsided, but Sam just gave him a cheeky grin.

“I just want what's best for my man, you know. He works too much. Besides, it’s in your interest as well! Less work for Steve means he’ll have more time for you.”

Having to smile at that, even though he felt like he shouldn’t, Bucky shook his head lightly and knocked on Steve’s door. 

“Enter.”

Shit fuck, hearing the man’s voice already made Bucky’s heart go batshit. Biting his lips so that he could not grin like a lunatic, Bucky opened the door.

“Bucky, hey!” The obvious joy in Steve’s voice and face made Bucky’s breath stock. Eye wrinkles creasing and white teeth on full display between that magnificent beard. All that and it was only for Bucky, only because the man was happy to see him. 

“Hey, Daddy,” Bucky whispered after having closed the door, otherwise feeling frozen on the spot. Watching with wide eyes as Steve stood up from behind his desk, not wearing his jacket only a white button-down shirt with rolled-up sleeves, and opened his arms wide. 

“Hello, baby boy. Did you sleep well?” Arms came around him, pulling him into a hug and Bucky slumped against the chest. 

“Yes. I- yes.” Why did he sound so breathless already?

“That’s good.” A whispered kiss to his cheek and Bucky was sure he could just melt away if it wasn’t for the box getting smashed between their bodies. “And what do you have here, sweetheart?”

“Lunch. For both of us… if you want to? If not, that’s fine! I can eat it for dinner. But I thought we’re spending lunch break together, so…” 

“Oh,” the surprised sound left Steve’s mouth, and when the arms around him loosened, Bucky looked up hesitantly. But the look in Steve’s eyes was so soft and it made Bucky’s chest tighten up more. 

“My sweet boy, so kind and thoughtful, damn, you’re making me speechless,” Steve said as pressed little kisses on Bucky’s forehead, nose, and cheeks.

Squirming with the fluttering warm sensation in his chest, Bucky didn’t know how to respond.

“Then we better eat. Do you need anything? There is a microwave in our kitchen, or do you want something to drink?”

“Uh, there is no need to heat it up and I did bring forks, but water would be nice?” Bucky mumbled while sitting down on the sofa, where Steve had gently guided him.

“Of course.” Steve grinned with one last kiss to the crown of Bucky’s hair, before getting some water bottles out of a mini-fridge. In his office. As well as glasses. Shaking his head with amusement, Bucky opened the lunch boy to get the food ready. 

“So what’s for lunch?” 

A hand settled on his back as Steve sat down next to him. Even if it would be a little impractical for eating, Bucky leaned into the warmth. “Nothing special, just pasta salad.” 

But Steve seemed pretty happy with nothing special if his smile was any indication. “So, you like to cook? I mean first the muffins, now this.” 

“Admittingly I like baking more than cooking, but yeah? Wanda and I often do it together. How about you? I mean, as far as I remember your kitchen looked fantastic.”

“Oh yeah, but cooking only for oneself isn’t that much fun. I do meal preps, however. Didn’t manage to this week, so I would have had to get something from the cantine today.” 

Bucky ducked his head with warm cheeks, biting his lips as the pleasant feeling of satisfaction rushed through him. 

“Who knows, maybe I’m a lucky one and will get to experience more of your kitchen skills.” Steve grinned at him with a cheeky grin, winking when Bucky looked up.

“Uh, sure. Yeah.” Bucky stammered out. Not sure how a plain simple pasta salad made Steve ask for more of his cooking.

Leaning forward Steve kissed his cheek. “I’m glad to hear it.” 

The ringing of Steve’s phone made the man pull back with a face. “Damn, I forgot to forward my calls. Sorry, sweety, I have to take this. I promise I’ll make it as short as possible.”

As Steve walked over to his desk and then bent forward to pick up his phone, Bucky had a perfect view of Steve’s backside and was not complaining. 

“Oh, hey Pepper!” Steve said with a smile only to pull a face after a while. “Well, I guess it can’t be helped. Let’s try again next month? Wait, no, I’m in London. October? Or we- Yes, sure, yes, just tell me, I’ll try to move my appointments. Yes, yes, you too Pepper, try to not get hassled too much, okay? Bye!”

Biting his lips, Bucky tried not to show how invested in the call he had been, when Steve returned to him. Humming in pleasure when the man leaned down to kiss his forehead before sitting down. “Was that Ms. Potts?”

“Ah yes, we wanted to go to the MoMA later today, but something came up and she can’t make it.”

“The MoMa?” Bucky whispered while leaning against the man, he was done with the food and wanted cuddles now. Luckily Steve leaned back on the couch as well, hand stroking up and down Bucky’s back. 

“Yeah, the first Thursday of the month, they are open longer so that we can visit after work. It has become a bit of a thing for us, even if we don’t always go to the MoMA.” 

“Oh. Are you going alone now?” Bucky mumbled while getting more comfortable. 

“Probably, I haven’t been in a while. And with me flying to London to see Sharon's first day of school, I can’t go next month either.”

Biting his lip, Bucky looked up shyly. “When- when would you go? I mean, if it’s after I finish work I could come along?“

Steve blinked at him, before smiling softly. “Sure, if you want to?”

“Well, I don’t know shit about culture, I guess, so you would have to be patient with me? I always wanted to see your pictures that Peter spoke about, but didn’t dare to go into the hospital just to look at them?”

“Oh you sweet, sweet boy,” Steve whispered, his hands coming up to frame Bucky’s face, stroking over his cheeks. It was probably the only reason Bucky stayed upright and didn’t melt away from the soft look in Steve’s eyes.

“I can show you the paintings if you want to. We can go there after work and if you are still not tired of art, we can go to the MoMA after. I would like that.”

“So would I,” Bucky whispered, licking his lips, seeing Steve stare at them before the man’s eyes flickered back up.

“Can I kiss you, baby?”

“Yes, Daddy, pl-”

He couldn’t finish speaking, because Steve was already attacking his mouth. Swallowing the words right up, nibbling on Bucky’s underlip and teasing it with his tongue until Bucky tentatively opened his mouth. Steve slid in, his beard tickling Bucky’s face and then he stopped thinking.

Panting heavily when Steve let go, Bucky looked up with wide eyes, realizing he was laying on the couch now, with the man hovering above him, giving him a soft kiss to his mouth, his nose, his cheeks, and finally his forehead. 

Bucky’s heart was fluttering in his chest like it was trying to escape out of it. At the same time, his dick was pressing against the inside of his trousers, perking up and undoubtedly creating a bulge.

“Guh.” He had never thought a kiss could be like this. 

“Sorry, baby boy, got carried away a bit. You’re okay?” Steve looking down so softly and stroking his cheeks, it made Bucky’s breath hitch. 

“Okay? I’m more than okay, just uh-” Bucky hid his face behind an arm and stopped speaking.

With a chuckle, Steve pressed a kiss to his wrist. “Alright, how about we move around a bit? I mean I promised you cuddles, didn’t I? Have to uphold that before your break is over.”

A short burst of panic made Bucky sit up, Steve hastily getting out of the way. “Shit! How late is it, I completely-”

Lunging for Steve’s arm that held his watch he relaxed a bit. “Okay, I have a few more minutes.” At least his hard-on had been scared away.

Laughing slightly Steve pulled him closer into a hug and Bucky decided to crawl into the man’s lap. Now with his face hiding in Steve’s neck, Bucky felt like he was in heaven. One of Steve’s arms was holding him close around the waist, while the other was massaging his scalp and neck. 

Moving his head slightly until it rested on the shoulder Bucky looked at Steve’s face, trying and failing to find words to describe how grateful he was right now. Instead, his hand sneaked up to play with Steve’s beard.

“Did Arnie like it? The beard, I mean.” It was an abrupt change of topic, but at least his brain had come up with something? 

However, Steve just laughed. “Oh, he did. But didn’t like it when I told him I don’t want him to play with it, because that makes it disheveled.” 

Bucky stocked and hastily withdraw his hand “Sorry, I-” 

“No, no, sweety,” Steve captured his hand and pressed a kiss to it. “It’s all yours, you can play with it all you want, I’ll just comb it later.” 

Looking with wide-eyes as his hand settled back in Steve’s beard, Bucky saw the man wink at him. “Actually, I’m not sure what Arnie was more excited about, the beard or you?”

“Me? You- you told him about...” Bucky blinked, yeah about what? But if Steve talked about him to his friends, that was a good sign, right?

“Of course, he has been bugging me for a while now. I mean- ah, you remember pride? You think he dropped the ‘ _ Daddy _ ’ comment by accident?”

“Oh,” was all Bucky said, before ducking his head with burning cheeks. “So he knew?”

“Yeah, he and Sam pretty much kicked my ass when I didn’t immediately snatch you up.” Chuckling Steve pulled him closer and kissed his hair. “And I would love to hold you like this forever, sweetheart, but I think you need to get back to work.” 

Disgruntled Bucky stood up and packed his things together, his pout earning him another soft kiss before Steve shooed him out of the door. Out of the corner of his eyes, Bucky saw Sam slip into Steve’s office right after. Chuckling a bit, he wondered if he should have warned Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Scream at me if you want to, here in the comments or on [tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/).  
> I cherish every comment I get, especially at the moment when it's like a short comfort break from life. With my time for the thesis now being shortened by 3 weeks because of an internship I got, I have a lot of stress going on. Therefore as I said, I doubt I can get the next chapter up the first March weekend. Meanwhile, you can go and read my little story for valentine if you want to, it's called [Beauty Sleep 🍎](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29415591).  
> And I'll stop rambling now. I hope you're all doing good ❤️


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when an art nerd takes you to an art museum? Privat tour! Bucky could listen to Steve forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically it's 4 am where I'm at, but somewhere in the world it's still the 10th, so: Happy Birthday Bucky! 🥳
> 
> I've been awake for nearly 22 hours now, but I really wanted to give you guys the next chapter:

After work, Bucky left the department he was working in this week only to find Steve waiting for him with a big smile. 

“Hello there, gorgeous,” the man whispered into his ear during a quick half-hug, making Bucky blush and shyly look around. But all his coworkers were busy with getting home and not paying any real attention to them.

“Hey, Stevie, had a nice afternoon?”

“Well, had a nagging Sam occupying my office, but I was in a good mood so I was able to survive.” 

Oh yes, the Sam-Attack he had been part of, Bucky remembers sheepishly. “Oh? I hope it wasn’t too bad.”

“Nope, I just had a tasty meal and a lap full of sweetness, nothing Sam could take from me.”

Squeaking Bucky waved his hands around, but Steve just laughed. “Alright, no more teasing… for now. You want to see my paintings?”

“Yeah,” Bucky mumbled with his cheeks still burning.

“Well then, come along.” 

Steve walked slightly ahead of him, somehow the crowd just parted ways for him, like the man was surrounded by an aura of authority or something. At times he would exchange a few quick words with someone, or just a nod or a handwave. 

It made Bucky bite his lips, as he admired that easiness and self-assurance. But it also made him feel small and invisible, made him want to hold Steve’s hand so that Bucky could not just disappear in the crowd. 

However, every now and then Steve looked behind him only to smile brightly whenever he found Bucky’s face. Which meant Bucky could not get lost because Steve was looking out for him. With warm feelings and a happy smile, Bucky just kept following.

Eventually, they entered the hospital, and while Bucky still wondered if what he was doing counted as gawking, he saw the paintings. “Wow, okay. That’s… big.”

Big as in floor to ceiling big, as in huge. “How did they even get in here?!”

Next to him, Steve started laughing. “Gladly that was not my problem. But through the windows actually, with a crane. It was quite the spectacle, even if watching it made me nervous. My poor art! How easy they could have destroyed it. And I was certainly not doing them again! Believe me, I will never paint these huge amounts of sand ever again.”

“Ah, yeah, you needed a lot of time for these pictures, didn’t you. I mean, they are... huge.”

“Oh yes, but I started on them before work for the tower even began. Before I started SHIELD before I even knew I would really end up going through with these plans. It was kind of meditative to paint them and in the end, I found them to be calming and cheery at the same time.”

Now Bucky started paying a bit more attention to the paintings. One was from inside a forest, light shining through the treetops, it felt like going on a walk in a cool and shady forest during summertime. And the other was a sunset over the sea that somehow made Bucky feel all relaxed but also yearning for standing at the beach with water around his feet.

“I remember how Peter said how they felt a bit like being in nature and I get what he meant. I mean sure I can see that they are painting and not a hundred percent realistic, but they feel like it? With them being so big, I mean…” He shrugged, not sure how to say it. “If what I’m saying makes any sense.”

“Makes perfect sense. I wanted to go large so one could get lost in them, but I didn’t want to go too deep into detail, it’s not my style. I like to focus on light however, it’s very important to me. If that's right, then the feeling is portrayed best. In my opinion at least.”

“I- yes, I can see what you mean. I think they are very beautiful paintings, Steve.” He turned towards the man while nibbling on his lip.

A hand brushed his shoulder for a moment, while Steve smiled at him brightly. “Thank you, sweetheart. Still willing to see more art?”

Oh right, the MoM! Bucky had forgotten about that, but spending time with Steve was just too good to pass up. “Yes! Sure!” 

“Do you often go? To the museum, I mean?” Bucky asked, trying to keep up with the man’s long strides as they walked to the museum. Feeling all fluttery when Steve noticed he was walking too fast and slowed down to match Bucky’s peace.

“Museum or the MoMA in particular? I mean, I love museums, I love art, I love to go often. But it’s boring alone and Pepper doesn’t have that much free time.”

“Oh, okay… I liked going as a kid but after... Well, school made me do it?”

“Ah, yes, but with school, it’s not really the same, is it?” Steve grinned at him teasingly.

By then they had reached the museum and Bucky was a bit taken aback by just how many people were waiting in front of it. “Whoa, I guess we’ll have to wait for a bit, huh?”

“Nope, I bought you an online ticket and I’m a member, so we can just go in,” Steve seemed genuinely excited about this and it made Bucky feel happy. 

However, inside the museum, it was packed as well. Luckily Steve was tall, so hopefully, Bucky would be able to find him in this crowd. Maybe he should just take the man’s hand? It was so full in here, no one would notice. Why was his brain constantly thinking about holding Steve’s hand?

For now, Bucky just followed Steve who was moving with intent. Upstairs Steve turned to him with another one of those smiles that made Bucky week. “Okay, let’s start here, this is the collection gallery, I think you probably know a few of these exhibits.”

Curiously started looking around and got excited when he indeed did and mentioned it to Steve. Otherumed times the man did point out things to him that Bucky then recognized.

“You see that? I’m sure you know it, it’s well known in pop culture.” 

“Oh, yes! I know this one, I just expected it to be bigger. It’s Dali, right? The melting clocks?” 

“Yes, it's called La persistencia de la memoria, the Persistence of Memory, and it’s from Salvador Dali. The normally hard pockets are all soft and melting. What even is space, or time, or reality? That is surrealism.” 

It didn’t take long for Bucky to understand that Steve was in fact a huge nerd and a walking art encyclopedia. But it was awesome, Bucky could just throw something at Steve and the man would give him more information. It was a bit like getting a private tour.

“That’s Picasso, right?”

“Yes, Les Demoiselles d Avignon,” the man said, but his voice lacked its normal enthusiasm.

“Do you not like it?”

“Hm, never got warm with it? Cubism I mean, and also I’m not a huge fan of Picasso. Don’t like the way he treated women,” Steve shrugged.

Deciding he didn’t care all that much, Bucky went on. Right to the point with the most commotion.

“Oh, that’s the Starry Night by Van Gogh. I know him!”

“Please tell me you don’t just know him because ‘ _ he is the one that cut off his ear _ ’,” Steve said in a longsuffering tone, but the smile on his face showed he was amused. When Bucky guiltily bit his lip, the man even smiled and pulled him closer. “Okay, Come here.”

And then he proceeded with whispering little details in Bucky’s ear, how the brightest star in the painting was actually Venus. How it wasn’t technically a real landscape, that van Gogh had painted it from memory and there were numerous versions of this view. And this was what the man had seen outside the window of his bedroom in the asylum he stayed after cutting his ear off. Steve then pointed out to him that the asylum had been in the Provence in France, but that dutch influences in the painting. Bucky could listen to Steve talk forever.

Eventually, Steve pushed him into a separate room, and with a wide mouth, Bucky stared at the painting there. Paintings really, that together showed a bigger picture of a lake with water lilies. “This is beautiful!”

“You like Monet, huh?”

“Monet?” Bucky repeated, sure he had heard the name before but his brain gave him nothing.

“Yes, these are Claude Monet’s Water Lilies.” There was something in Steve’s tone, almost peaceful. Like the picture was in a way. Or Steve’s paintings earlier.

“Do you like him? I mean- I dunno, feels a bit like your paintings? Sure, your’s are more detailed, but…, ” realizing that he was rambling, Bucky shut up and shrugged. 

But Steve was now looking at him and Bucky remembered the melting clocks from earlier because that's what his insides were now, a melting puddle under the sun that was Steve’s smile. 

“You think so? Well, maybe it’s the lightning. But yes, I do admire Monet, even visited his garden in France, that’s where he painted this. This is impressionism, by the way, one of Monet’s pictures gave the movement its name.”

“Huh, is that your favorite? Impressionism?” Bucky asked curiously while leaning closer towards the man

“Making me go pick favorite art movements, Bucky, that’s mean!” Steve looked at him unimpressed, although Bucky would say it was more like the man was sulking.

Seeing Steve this carefree and almost childish, made Bucky speechless with affection.

“But yes, I do like impressionism. There is also a late painting style within it called Luminism, well the Luminism in Belgian that- Ah, never mind,” Steve stopped talking and looked at Bucky ruefully. “Sorry, don’t want to bore you.”   


“I’m not bored, I just want to know what you like. What paintings you like in this case.” Bucky mumbled back still a bit caught off guard by this side of the man. 

“Ah, okay. Well, then let me honorably mention William Turner, because I admire the way he was able to create atmosphere and used lightning. However, if I had to choose a favorite, which I’m not doing right now, then the Hudson River School could be a winner.” 

“Oh, what’s that? Can we see?” 

Steve laughed and ruffled his hair. “They are landscape painters that were influenced by Romanticism, and no, sadly not in the MoMA, we would have to go to the Met, or the Brooklyn Museum.”

“Maybe- maybe next time?” Bucky looked at Steve hesitantly, wondering if Steve would even want to go to a museum again with such a lowbrow as Bucky. 

However, Steve looked at him with visible surprise. “Would you like that? I haven’t bored you enough with art yet?”

“What? No! It’s interesting, I mean it is because of you because you keep telling me background information. That way it’s not like I’m just looking at one painting after another, without knowing what to look for and... “ Bucky just shrugged helplessly and looked at his shoes.

“Oh Buck, I would love to take you to another museum, if you want to.” Steve’s voice sounded a bit choked up, and there was a squeeze on his upper arm. Looking up Bucky was met with soft blue eyes that made it hard to breathe.

“Yeah, uh, I do.” They must look like dumbasses, staring into each other’s eyes in the middle of a packed room. Suddenly aware again of just how many other people were around them, Bucky felt a bit uncomfortable. 

“Well, then let’s keep that in mind for the future, hm? Now, it’s getting a bit late, do you want to leave? maybe we could get something to eat.”

“Oh, yes, that’s- I’m hungry actually.” Not just for food, but that's another story.

“Then I better make sure to get you some food. I mean, you made me lunch. Meanwhile, I’m dragging you around a museum instead of taking care of your poor stomach.”

“Well, it’s not a competition, Stevie. And I liked going to the museum with you, so thank you,”

Why did Steve’s smiles always make Bucky feel so soft? It was not fair!

Outside they enjoyed the fresh air, before deciding to get something to go. This was good for Bucky because that way his hands were busy, and he wasn’t caught between the fear and want of touching Steve. 

But once they had eaten up and reached the subway, it got harder again. Ramming his hands into the pockets to be on the safe side, Bucky entered the train.

“So, we just kinda went on our third impromptu date, but I haven’t taken you out for real yet.”

“Guess, so. Are we going to do something about that?” Bucky smiled up at Steve feeling coy.

“Well, I certainly will. Do you have time on Sunday?”

“Ah,... I’m meeting with Peter? It’s his birthday on Sunday, but uh, maybe I’ll have time in the evening? I will ask Peter and then get back to you!” Bucky hurried to say, willing Steve to know that he really wanted and wasn’t saying no, or playing hard to get.

“Shhh, it’s okay. If you already have plans, that’s totally fine. It’s my own fault for not knowing my timetable better. We can go on Monday if you wouldn’t mind going after work, or we can plan for the next weekend.”

“I- Let me ask Peter what his plan is, okay? Otherwise Monday.” Was it weird, that Bucky did not want to go on their  _ real _ date after a whole day of work? But waiting another week was no solution either.

“It’s a deal,” Steve smiled down at him, and Bucky wanted to lean against him, hide away in that chest, and take a deep breath, wanted to ignore the world around them and just be with Steve. With Daddy.

Too soon Steve left the train, after giving Bucky a half hug, that wasn’t enough to quench the want in Bucky’s heart and also left a hint of the man’s smell behind. 

How was he going to survive until they could meet again?

* * *

  
  


The planned date with Steve meant that Bucky was going to have a busy Sunday. Starting with the obligatory pizza gathering at Clint’s house, but he had to leave early to make his way over to Queens. He even left some space for cake in his stomach! 

Admittingly Bucky had gone blank on what to give Peter until he panicky asked Dr. Strange about some easy neuroscientific works that he could throw at him. Peter would surely enjoy that, right? And of course, once Peter had unwrapped it, he was already excitedly talking about it with his friend Ned.

Was it nice to be in nerd-company? Yes, it was. Did the nerd-company end up playing Lego? Yes, they did. 

Finally, Aunt May kindly kicked them out because Peter had planned to go to a photo gallery with them. Ned and Peter offered that they could play Lego again another time, even if they seemed unsure if Bucky really wanted that. 

But he wanted to! He hadn’t played with them in ages. As a kid, he had received Lego playsets from his father. While the man always complained about the stupid stones being everywhere in the house, he had still given Bucky another set for Christmas later and eagerly helped Bucky in his building endeavors. Those had been the good times.

Luckily the photo exhibition kept Bucky from musing too much about the past. The pictures were all in black and white, with people showing different emotions and movements. Some were hard to look at, some made him smile in return. It was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster that Bucky hadn’t been prepared for.

To Bucky’s amusement, Peter started talking about the methods and technical details behind the pictures. It reminded him of Steve and he had to smile, wondering if Steve would like these photos. 

In the end, they more or less got complimented out of the door, because the gallery was closing. Which reminded Bucky of the time. A time he had planned to be home again. Shit! 

Hastily trying to calculate the time, he realized he would never be able to ride home, shower, and change clothes before Steve would pick him up. 

Disheartened he pulled out his phone and called Steve, only to stay silent when the man picked up.

“Bucky, are you okay?” The concern in Steve’s voice got Bucky going again.

“Oh, yes, sorry. Hi Steve. Listen, I, uh- I’m still in Manhattan with Peter and,- I’m so sorry I forgot the time, I don’t think I can make it in time to our d-, suddenly Bucky remembered that he wasn’t alone and looked wide-eyed at Peter and Ned, who in return looked at him with curiosity.

“Sweetheart, shh, it’s okay. You said you had a busy day, it’s okay. If you want to postpo-”

“No!”, Bucky interrupted the man, now caught in another panic. “No. I want to see you. Where are we going? I mean- I could come right over? That’s it if jeans and a plain shirt are good enough?”

“Breath Bucky, it’s okay, you don’t have to get dressed up. It’s just an Italian restaurant I like, nothing overly fancy. I just thought you would like lasagne or something. I’ll just be happy to see you.” 

Steve’s voice made Bucky want to curl into himself. It was so calm and soothing, making Bucky believe that everything would be okay. Daddy’s voice. 

“Okay, uh, where should I go?” Bucky mumbled, really hoping he was looking good enough. 

With a chuckle, Steve told him he would send the address and that Bucky should just text back when he’ll make it there. 

Hanging up, Bucky stared at the phone until the message came and then sheepishly looked up at Peter and Ned, who had listened to the whole exchange in silence.

“So you have a date with Steve now?” Peter said with a grin.

Bucky felt like choking as his stomach dropped, as he opened his mouth to deny it, but stopped.

Shit. How could he even go on a date with Steve, if he didn’t even dare to say it out loud? When his first instinct was to deny it. That wasn’t fair to Steve. Shit. This wasn’t going to work like that. He-

“Hey, breathe Bucky, it’s okay, just take in a deep breath.” Peter had stepped closer, holding out an arm but not touching him and Bucky blinked at him in confusion before taking in a shuddering breath.

“Sorry. I- sorry.” Bucky choked out, because what else was there to say. 

However, Peter just frowned. “II know you never said it to me, but I do know you are gay? I mean, I heard-. It’s not any of my business, but I heard about that homophobic incident. And if you are dating Steve, then good for you.”

Bucky’s insides felt like acid just thinking about the ‘incident’ and  _ people talking about it _ , but he still managed to give Peter a smile. “Thanks.”

“Yep, no problemo with us. So where do you have to go?” Ned chimed in and it did make Bucky feel more at ease.

They even helped him figure out the best way to get to the address Steve had sent him. Once he had a time of arrival, he bid the boys goodbye. In the subway, Bucky tried to center himself and calm down. Or freak out all over again. 

While Bucky was still worrying about what going on a date even meant, what he had to expect, and if there were any rules he had to follow, he was at the Italian restaurant and saw Steve waiting for him.

The man was wearing a blue henley shirt that Bucky wanted to steal and sunglasses on his nose. His blond fluffy hair was making Bucky’s fingers twitch and the beard looked so perfect. Bucky wanted to nuzzle it, have it tickle his face or neck. Or anywhere else. 

“Hey!” Bucky felt breathless as he came to a halt in front of the man and beamed up at him.

Steve pulled him into a quick hug, making Bucky feel the muscles and take in the cologne that made his knees weak. “Hello, lovely. Did you have a nice day?”

“Yes! I’m so sorry, I-” Bucky hastened to say, feeling his cheeks burn again.   


“Hush, it’s alright, you can tell me about your day while we eat, hm? I hope you are hungry.” A squeeze to his upper arm and a big smile, it seemed like Steve genuinely didn’t mind that Bucky had nearly butchered this date. 

“Yes,” Bucky mumbled, dazed and unbelieving, as Steve gently nudged him towards the door. 

He was going on a date with Steve. He was on a date with Steve! A real date. Like _real_ real. How did this even happen? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me about our boys, art or whatever you want in the comments or on [tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/) 😊
> 
> I'm a bit behind with answering, but I'll get to that soon!  
> Real-life is keeping me busy right now, so yeah. Won't be able to post anything before the 25th, I think, but I should be able to get another chapter out this month, and then hopefully life will be less stressful again.
> 
> Hope you are all doing good ❤️  
> I'm going to bed now 😴


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